My Top Ten Dangerous Driving Impairments

Posted on August 14, 2009
Filed Under Personal, The State |

With the growing pressure to craft laws that make it illegal to text while driving, I thought I would continue my thought from yesterday by listing my top 10 dangerous things drivers do while they are supposed to be avoiding me, the slow-reflexed jogger.

Over the years, my early morning run has put me in the pathway of a bunch of folks who do a bunch of crazy things and so I feel I have become somewhat of an expert in “Stupid Things Drivers Do”.

Here, then is my list:

10. DWT, Driving While Texting. I wrote about this yesterday, so I will begin with it. I can spot it a hundred yards away. It scares me because their minds and eyes are focused on a tiny screen and an even smaller keyboard, rather than me jogging a mere inches to the right of their front bumper. By the way, this should include DWi, Driving While Interneting, which is a larger category that includes the capability cell phones now give people to not only text but browse the internet, read and send emails, and buy tractors on eBay.

9. DWR, Driving While Reading. This is also called DWC, Driving While Cramming, which includes things I used to do while a grad student at Auburn and which brought my little Chevette into contact with a large cinder block that was slowing trying to cross the road. It pulverized my right front tire and by all rights should have sent my car and me into never-never land. DWR includes reading the morning newspaper, school books, maps, letters, magazines and, I kid you not, a blueprint for some structure that was spread clear across the front dashboard.

8. DWE, Driving While Eating. I see this a lot. The most dangerous is the Big Mac or other similar 3lb hamburger with the wrapping paper crumpled up so as to completely eclipse the face. This is eaten with the head turned slightly to the right to expose one eye for the road. The eclipse, however, leaves me on the dark side of the moon. This peeking around the burger works only until a pickle drops out & the head jerks down, the steering wheel veers right & I go into the weeds.

7. DWD, Driving While Drinking. This is similar to DWE—but it involves liquid. This is not DUI, which is already on the books. I see this ALL the time—especially early in the morning. Starbucks cups are easy to spot, but there are coffee mugs, glasses, thermoses. After school and evenings it is more the Big Gulp cups—soft drinks. They’re not too bad until I see someone miss the straw, then it’s eyes down, wheel right, & jump left for me.

6. DWP, Driving While Parenting. This is almost always a mother and can be spotted a long way off as well. It is usually a harried mom reaching across the seat, or into the back seat, to tend to some child’s need—feeding them, disciplining them, dressing them. I saw a DWP mom about a month ago that I swear must have been trying to change a diaper while not avoiding me. She had a new one hanging from her mouth. I kid you not! (Sound unbelievable? Wait until you read about the panty hose!)

5. DWA, Driving While Angry. This one isn’t pretty. I first see the gestures of the hands and arms. It is usually at a passenger—a child or spouse, I assume. Sometimes it is directed at someone on the other end of the cell phone. I usually end up feeling more concerned about the “someone else” rather than my safety.

4. DWH, Driving While Hunting. I don’t want to assume motives, but honestly, I think there are a few drivers that actually like to drop a wheel in my space. There is one guy that I know for sure enjoys this because I have seen him laughing when I hug the fence. I don’t think he really wants to hurt me, though, because he drops a wheel a long way out. I just think he gets a kick out doing it. I thought about not moving once to see if he chickens out…nah!

3. DWS, Driving While Socializing. I know that we are social creatures, but this is one reason why some states make it illegal for teens to drive other than alone (which forces them into DWT, DWR and DWA by the way). I don’t like to harp on high school kids, but our road is a major thoroughfare for the school up the road and I see a ton of them. This one is really dangerous. When the car is full of kids, you can tell that there is a small party going on in that missile. They are bouncing up and down, turning and talking to each other, gesturing, throwing things…basically goofing off while commanding a lethal weapon. It is worse in the afternoon than the morning.

2. DWC, Driving While Chatting. This is similar to DWS, but reserved solely for cell phone chatting. These folks are very dangerous—they are completely lost in a verbal world. Even if they hit me, it probably wouldn’t register. In terms of sheer volume, I see this one more than anything else. I don’t know why it is so different than just talking to someone in the car with you. Maybe it is the fact that one hand is occupied, maybe it is that people talk on the cell phone with their heads cocked to one side and it affects their brains, maybe there is something to the electrical emanations that temporarily halves one’s IQ. But it is way different than two people talking in a car. And it earns my # 2 spot.

And now, for the number one most Dangerous Driving Impairment…

1. DWP, Driving While Primping. (Yes, I know I already have a DWP, but I couldn’t find other words as good as primping or parenting.) Not to sound sexist, but this is primarily the girls—especially the high school girls. It usually involves lipstick or hair fiddling, but I’ve seen earrings being attached, eyebrows penciled, make-up applied, you name it. I can see it well before they get to me—the body action gives it away—they are sitting high in the seat, stretching up in order to get a look at themselves in the rear view mirror, head turning from side to side (I don’t know why…maybe this helps assure there is symmetry to whatever they are doing). You’d be amazed what people do under this category. I think it was Paul Harvey who reported that a woman was pulled over for putting on panty hose! (That may require another category beyond primping). Believe it or not, I actually saw a woman drive by with an eyelash curler clamped to her eyelash. Now, it wasn’t remarkable that it was clamped to her eyelash because that’s exactly where eyelash curlers are supposed to be clamped—but she was piloting a 3,000lb car west with this thing attached to her face and she was looking east, which meant she certainly wasn’t looking at me. I normally get well into the weeds on these, but I was mesmerized by the eyelash lady and just stood there in awe as she drove by.

So, there you have them…my personal observations of dangerous driving activities. If we make it illegal to text while driving, then why not these? Of course, there are others, some honorable mentions like DWG, Driving While Gawking (sometimes known as Rubber Necking—major cause of accidents around accidents), or DWV, Driving While Vegetating. I don’t know what is going on, but I can see that they are just lost in some world other than roads, vehicles, and joggers. They aren’t eating, drinking, texting, chatting, parenting, or primping. They just have this blank look on their face. They don’t notice me at all. I sometimes smile and wave at DWVs, but don’t even get an eye twitch. They certainly don’t get the Awareness Award.

Okay, so now, over to you. Let’s turn this into a DA meeting (Driver’s Anonymous) and ask you to fess up to the things you have done while driving. Even if it is already on my list, come clean. I want someone to admit they were trying to change a diaper while behind the wheel or curling your eyelashes! Maybe you are a DWN, Driving While Nodding…you know, you nod off and wake up when the wheel drops off the pavement and you hear the jogger scream? But you keep on DWN’ing anyway.

I’ll go first.

When we traveled with small kids and the blessed event occurred when the children had drifted off to sleep, in order to not risk waking them, my wife and I would change drivers…while driving down the Interstate! DWS—Driving While Stupid!

Your turn…

P.S. Despite how all of this may sound, there is a great reward to my early morning jogs…the halfway point brings me to some of the most gorgeous sunrises. This was this morning’s…

Comments

60 Responses to “My Top Ten Dangerous Driving Impairments”

  1. Danny on August 14th, 2009 2:33 pm

    You could use DWF - Driving while Farding. According to Webster’s: fard - to paint the face with cosmetics. I wonder how many accidents could be attributed to at least one of those.

  2. Debi on August 14th, 2009 2:41 pm

    I have to admitt, I am probably guilty of many of the 10, but my worst is probably DWS - since my childern are grown and my husband and I often have different work schedules, I find myself in the car alone. I use car time to pray ( don’t panic I don’t close my eyes) and to sing ( drive while singing) Sounds harmless but I sometimes get a little distracted esp on the course. I don’t want to brag but the gals from Point of Grace and I sound pretty good with the windows rolled up and the sound really loud :)

  3. Chris on August 15th, 2009 3:09 pm

    How about DWW (Driving While Worshipping). I don’t think this should be in the dangerous-things-not-to-do-while-driving list (as long as one doesn’t try to pray with eyes closed on bended knee of course) but it certainly has produced some very curious responses in those who drive by me. When I am in the car commuting to work, its a great time to talk to the Lord. I can remember one such commute home in the DC area some years ago and of course talking to the Lord often leads to worshipping Him, how could it not? As I was pulling onto I-95 just before the Wilson bridge, I signalled, merged and continued on while singing loudly to my heart’s content to the Lord. I’m pretty sure I did NOT cut anyone off or drive in an aggressive manner. Nonetheless, as I was driving across the bridge, a small white hatchback with four middle-aged women pulled along side me and waited for me to glance over at them. As I did all four of the women flipped me the bird and then sped away. That would be the most unusual and marked response to this activity but I’ve had others give me some pretty strange and disapproving looks. True, I’m speaking and obviously singing with no one (visible) in the car with me, and I don’t know what I look like when enrapped in the glory of and fellowship with God but I’m saddened by the response that seems to illicit. Perhaps I am less aware than I think and I’ve done something to anger someone but if so I am truly unaware of it. I know that Satan and his kingdom falls by the simple worship of a child toward his Father so maybe there is something more going on there. Not that I’m a young man by any stretch of the imagination but I do find myself being wonderfully blessed by The New England Primer, which I am currently using in my morning time with the Lord. I was not raised in a Christian home and so I have some relearning still to do. I suppose I will get a few more of those dirty looks but I think DWW (eyes open and mind alert) is one of those things that should be put on the list of things to do while driving list.

  4. John on August 15th, 2009 3:56 pm

    Not necessarily a personal confession, but I do remember being a passenger in a car on the way to a conference when, at about 6:00 a.m., the wheels hit the rumble strips at the side of the interstate, and the driver bolted upright and said, “Sorry guys… was I snoring?” As if the snoring would have been his worst offense at 80 mph!

  5. Karen on August 17th, 2009 10:35 am

    I have to agree with Debi but I would change the acronym to DWP. (Driving While Praising) Lately, I have needed to spend a great deal of time praising God and I find that I can do that at full volume best in my car. So I don’t just sing, I sing loudly and talk freely to my precious Lord because I can and no one else hears. With up to four teens/young adults in my home this summer, they appreciate it too.

  6. curtis on August 17th, 2009 10:54 am

    Eerk(the sound made while choking on pride), I hope that this confession is good for my soul, because I would rather rant about other drivers who took stupid pills before they got behind the wheel of their 5000lb hurtling piece of machinery.
    Driving an automobile provides me with a distracting venue to rehearse a script for an upcoming drama I am in, or for rehearsing a message I will be presenting. I suppose instead of calling it rehearsing I could better call it preparing for the hearse. So I would like to offer to the list, DWM—Driving While Memorizing, or DWR—Driving While Rehearsing.

  7. Vince on August 17th, 2009 4:15 pm

    Hey Dr. Del, this is an excellent top ten list. It is amazing the things that you see on the road these days, it’s scary. Texting is the worst new one to come about, I can barely do it just by itself, let alone while operating a 2,000+ lb vehicle.

  8. Jo on August 17th, 2009 8:58 pm

    Now, now…they’re are those of us who slumber to a reasonable hour, enjoy the sunrise with a cup of coffee while looking out our kitchen window…then when the coast is clear from “those folks hugging the sides of the road”, we drive unencumbered along with the Beachboy CD going to “Curves” (to do our granny thing) …hence, because we thoroughly enjoy the music with it’s “good vibrations”…it’s probably best you’re not along the side of the road…alas…another anachronym:DWLTRGM
    Driving While Listening To Really Great Music

  9. Tony on August 18th, 2009 6:36 am

    How about DWO, Driving While Obeying? There are stretches of highway where I live where some roads are posted at 25 MPH and 35 MPH that go through small neighborhoods. Many drivers go way too fast when driving in these areas. Quite often, when I Drive While Obeying the speed limit, I had drivers behind me boiling because they couldn’t go through town flying low. There were also times when I had people in a hurry tail gate me by following me much too close in an attempt to try and get me to exceed the speed limit. There are times when it is not possible for me to go on the side of the road and let them pass because there are long sections of the highway that are narrow. On one occasion, I was almost rear ended by a young lady who became quite unhappy with my obedience to the speed limit. She was tail gating me having her vehicle much too close to mine. When I turned on my left turn signal and started slowing down in preparation to turning onto the road that leads to my home, she hit her brakes for all it’s worth and narrowly missed hitting the rear end of my car. I just keep Driving While Obeying, going either 25 MPH or 35 MPH as the speed limit sign says.

  10. Chris on August 18th, 2009 1:59 pm

    I am thinking of one that pretty much covers the whole gamut. There are two options. DWC, Driving While Cursed. The other is DWH, Driving While Human. Take your pick. Anyhow, I hope they don’t try to outlaw either one!

  11. Josue on August 18th, 2009 2:16 pm

    How about Driving while GPS’ing…I almost ran over a couple motorcycles while trying to plug in the charger on my GPS and get it to find satellite reception…scary!

  12. Dave on August 18th, 2009 2:57 pm

    Del, you are not alone in DWS! I have switched drivers going down the interstate at…well lets just say faster than the posted speed. We did it more than once while I was in college with my friend’s Toyota Corolla; bucket seats, gear shift and all. It is only God’s grace that I ever survived past High School!

  13. Belinda on August 18th, 2009 4:06 pm

    I still maintain that driving is already a multi-tasking activity. Isn’t it enough to pay attention to one’s speed, check mirrors, keep eyes on the road, avoid pedestrians and yes, Del, joggers such as yourself? I support a ban on not only texting while driving, but talking on one’s cell phone without a hands-free device while driving. If the call is so important, then pull over and take it, then resume driving. Otherwise, get a hands-free device or refer to the phone’s voicemail system. As a driver, I’ve several times felt endangered now by what I thought was a drunk driver, but turned out to be someone on their cell phone trying to drive in a straight line down the road! I lived in Australia for 13 years and it is legal to speak on a cell phone while driving ONLY IF you are doing so via a hands-free device. Otherwise, you can get fined heavily. I don’t normally support unnecessarily restrictive laws, but I think we need this.

  14. Dea on August 18th, 2009 4:29 pm

    We raised our kids before seatbelt laws.Kids were in the front seat. I fed them and even changed diapers a couple of times while I drove. I think driving while using the GPS is more dangerous! Following that thing has gotten me into some crazy situations.

  15. Trent on August 18th, 2009 8:39 pm

    Frankly, I have often used DWE and DWD to prevent DWN more than once. Nothing like something Tasty and crunchy and a good bottle of Dr. Pepper to wash it down to keep a guy awake. Of course, turning up the radio and DWW (or DWP) can also assist in the matter! Sleep? It’s over-rated! (although I am not too proud to pull off at the next exit and take a half-hour nap before proceeding–even if I only have 7 miles to go before getting home.

  16. Tom V. on August 18th, 2009 8:57 pm

    Well of course this was in my BC days, but how about DWK…Driving While Kissing. Yep, you guessed it. While I was in high school I drove my 1950 Packard, which is something close to a small tank, right into the back end of a poor little Ford Falcon with my head turned 90 degrees to the right, and lips fully engaged. Hardly put a dent in my Packard, but the Ford had to be towed and we were only 25 yards past the red light when I hit him.

  17. Larry on August 18th, 2009 9:55 pm

    DWD - Driving While Diving for something on the floor. Dropped last carrot or your cell phone you dropped to avoid the jogger you just missed. :)

  18. Dawn on August 19th, 2009 12:56 am

    Okay! This is my personal favorite. I am not the guilty party… Let’s get that clear up front. I used to drive truck, 18-wheeler. You can see a lot from the cab of one of those big boys! I have seen a lot of things, some that can’t be mentioned in a public forum… But DWS, Driving While Shaving, takes the cake! (Or is that cream… shaving cream that is.) Yes! It really happened. The man had a pan of water in the passenger seat, a towel tucked under his collar, and his face was smeared with shaving cream, and he had a straight blade razor in his hand… You know the kind that your grandpa used way back when… And to top it off, he was using it at 70 MPH!!! It lets one’s imagination wander…

  19. Michelle on August 19th, 2009 4:59 am

    Dr Del, I certainly had a good laugh at these - probably because I recognise so many! I took a photo the other day of a bumper sticker that read ‘Caution - driver applying makup’ Of course, here in South Africa a person sees a lot of crazy things. If you would look inside some of the ‘taxis’, you would find things like a petrol drum in the back with a pipe leading directly into the fuel tank, or a wrench in place of the steering wheel. I’m convinced the angels work overtime on our roads. :-)

  20. Joanna on August 19th, 2009 5:19 am

    Mine: DWTP - driving while terrifying your passenger. There have been times on long trips that I have dozed off, awakened to find my husband (the driver) is still napping!!

  21. Cathy on August 19th, 2009 5:20 am

    I identify with Chris, Karen and Tony…..I worship and praise in the car with the music turned up…important to keep eyes wide open, head up and all that … I find that it’s more fulfilling (and probably safer) in front of my PC. I’ve also practiced liturgical dance moves while driving … you get some funny looks. Driving While Obeying (which I try to do but sometimes fail) is definitely a challenge in this “me” focused world.
    Be careful out there…consider what others are doing and/or may be going through and pray hedges of protection for all! God bless!

  22. SueW on August 19th, 2009 7:45 am

    I have a question. If you are jogging before the sun is up, how is it you are seeing what people are doing in their cars?

    Confession time - I think I am a vegetater (vegetator?). I often find myself way farther down the road with no recollection of the previous miles of scenery.

    I would also no way talk on the phone while driving, because I have found that with three teenage girls, even just talking in the car becomes a major distraction. The kids think I am going senile, but you try to keep up with three teen girls and the road activity!! Maybe that’s what started the vegging out…

  23. Scott on August 19th, 2009 9:17 am

    DWCC - Driving while Changing Clothes. Similar to changing drivers, but chaning out of ‘work’ clothes and into ‘coaching’, or ’sports’ clothing on the way to a practice or game. OK - it was in my younger, stupider, more flexible, days!

  24. Dawn on August 19th, 2009 9:45 am

    DWT…well i have been there…we dont think of it but it can be a multiple offense…i have actually seen people texting while driving and parenting at the same time…talk about scary….i try to remind myself drive watch where u r going…god save us from all the things we do..

  25. Vicki on August 19th, 2009 9:47 am

    DTC - Driving to compete (or win). I am guilty of not letting people get ahead of me — because I want to win, be first. Be first to where? doesn’t matter where, just first at some point. I have confessed this and asked for strength to overcome this. And I have to say, as a result of attending the Truth Project’s tour on evil (especially listening to the interview by the man who murdered his wife for no particular reason) - I drive much less competively. I realized evil does not need an excuse to do its part, but I certainly was giving it a reason to retaliate. No more.

  26. Robert on August 19th, 2009 9:49 am

    Driving While Flirting (DWF) I was 16 years old and my high school crush was sitting on the wide main street curb of small town Linwood,KS. I had to impress her so I honked my musical horn, leaned my entire upper body out of the driver’s window, my bottom on the door, steering with one hand and no feet near the pedals, going 7 mph. I shouted her name… and hit the parked car that was next to her and in-front of me. ummm, yeah! I definitely laugh about it NOW.

  27. Susan on August 19th, 2009 10:24 am

    Can’t help myself sometimes - Driving While Dancing. I’ve had a difficult day or I’ve been driving for several hours on a trip, and suddenly one of my favorite songs from the 1960’s or 1970’s comes on the radio. There I go, seizing the opportunity to wake myself up or just “groove” to the rhythm, and before I know it, the car is weaving from left to right with the musical beat. It can be somewhat embarrassing when I realize the driver beside me is one of the parents of a student who attends our Christian school where I serve as principal!

  28. Angela on August 19th, 2009 10:31 am

    yes, I have been guilty of DWW or DWP, however you wish to say it! It draws some attention, but at least I can still see the road and keep one hand on the wheel! I admit to occasionally Driving while talking on the cell phone. My kids are trying to break me of that though. And I have banned my son from his friends sister’s car (an otherwise very responsible college student), because she does DWT. But a new thing we’re doing and perhaps the most dangerous thing we do in the car is DWPS - Driving While Plate Spotting. We are always looking for foreign license plates, which causes, from time to time, some too close for comfort tailgating. Another one for your list!

  29. Manon on August 19th, 2009 11:36 am

    A comment to Trent on Aug. 18th. I commend you for pulling off the road to take a nap even in the last seven miles, because some times those are the hardest to finish. You think, I can do it. Just a few more miles. I have drieven those last miles fighting to stay awake. My husband is not to proud either to pull over to nap. We will either change drivers or will stop and take a nap. The consequences are not worth fighting to stay awake.

  30. Martha T. on August 19th, 2009 1:39 pm

    One of the dumbest things I saw a driver do was to run a red light in front of a police officer! The officer pulled them over in a jiffy!

  31. Don on August 19th, 2009 2:33 pm

    The new laws that are appearing around the country that limit texting, are written for our own safety and we really should not mock them. You cannot regulate every little abuse, but only the most dangerous and obvious ones that get the attention of the society. The other little abuses will have to be regulated by our personal values.

  32. Deb on August 19th, 2009 2:57 pm

    DWDi Driving while De-Icing. My husband and I both brought a car into our marriage 25 years ago. Mine was totaled in an accident the day before we were planning to relocate to Indiana from San Diego for my husband to attend seminary. This could be labeled DWR Driving while Reminiscing, since my husband was in his old neighborhood and there was a new stop sign which he went through, broadsiding another car. That accident left us with his car, a 1970 VW bug that had only experienced life on the southern California coast. It was equipped with air conditioning via opened windows. Heat? None. Defrost? None. Windshield wipers? Occasionally. On those cold, frosty, snowy Indiana mornings we would drive with our arms stretched out the windows with an ice scraper de-icing the windshield. And then we would de-ice the inside of the windshield. Thanks Del for reminding me to be grateful for what I have now!

  33. Kathie on August 19th, 2009 5:47 pm

    DWLFA - Driving while looking for an address. I work for a utility company and it is a challenge to find addresses while driving. We have to find addresses on busy highways as well as low traffic streets. I am pleading the 5th on anything foolish I may have done while doing this.

  34. Mike on August 19th, 2009 7:37 pm

    Confession — to driving while sleeping. When much younger I worked a 6 p.m. until 2 a.m. shift for the local newspaper. There was a new stretch of interstate that had just opened up, and luckily very few cars drove it at 2 a.m. Several times I was awakened by my car running up on the curb that had been built on the median. God was looking out for me, no doubt.

  35. Mike on August 19th, 2009 10:18 pm

    Hmm - another admission (did I say confession) about a version of DWR that my son still remembers when he was 5. I actually think this should be legalized. My version is DWRAND or Driving While Reading Across North Dakota. I read an entire childrens’ book to my son driving on the interstate. I actually remember being passed by one car and seeing 5 others on the other side of the highway during that 4 hours.
    PS - thanks Del for sharing another life reality similar to the microphone story at the men’s retreat this spring in WA.

  36. Terie on August 20th, 2009 12:58 am

    Confession: How about DWS (driving while searching). I have been guilty of driving while attempting to search for something in my glove compartment, or something in my purse, before long I find myself swerving down the road shocked and searching for an officer to stop me. And yes, I am ashamed to say I have also been part of the DWT,DWP and the one that comes after, DWA!!! Thank you, I feel better now, I will stop.

  37. Mary Lou on August 20th, 2009 10:48 am

    I admit, too, that I have put mascara on while driving; DWDM (driving while doing make-up). This could be even more dangerous than me poking my eye out as I now only have one good eye, hopefully, on the road to see that jogger or worse the light changing in the midst of rubbing the poked eye; tearing, screaming in pain, looking in the mirror, now not at the road. You can only feel my pain as you read this and wonder where this stupid idea started from; I’ll finish my make-up in the car,Dumb?!

  38. Steve on August 20th, 2009 2:47 pm

    I think of another acronym while I am behind the wheel of my particular mobile missile. DWNO. This is extremely dangerous, and I have sought help from a doctor. He did a study, oops, make that TWO studies, and found out what my problem has been for most of my adult life. Sleep apnea. So now you may know what the “DWNO” stand for. Maybe you don’t! I suppose you would like to know, if you haven’t already guessed. It stands for Driving While Nodding Off. I have had many a close call, and have almost hit a couple of people. None of them looked like you Del. At least I don’t think that they did. I was too tired at the time, and sleep apnea affects the memory. Who am I writing this to? Just kidding. I thank the Lord that I don’t need to wear make up, but I think that my breakfast would disagree. However, if you are one that snores while you sleep, or awake, (that would be called snorting), please, get a sleep study done. You may miss a jogger or two, and live longer. Or at least to tell about it. God bless.

  39. Donna on August 20th, 2009 8:44 pm

    DWD - Driving While Drumming. Nothing like drumming on your steering wheel to a good contemporary Christian song while going down the road. Keep a set of drum sticks over the visor and you’re ready to go. Must be accompanied by DWK - Driving With Knees.

  40. Elaine on August 21st, 2009 9:05 am

    Okay, I’ll confess to DWD, driving while drinking. Sometimes, I’m trying to ‘read’ directions as well when I drive. Shame, shame.

  41. Roxanne on August 21st, 2009 12:57 pm

    I may have missed it but I haven’t seen anything about DDIPL (Dogs driving in People’s Laps). OK, maybe the dog isn’t the one driving but how can you tell??? When I get a dog, I usually get a pound puppy and my current pound puppy is 2 years old and is having a very stressful time learning that my lap is out of bounds while I am in the driver’s seat. (Moving or not moving.) Thankfully, my Lord gave me patience, because this little dog was definitely once allowed to take up position in the driver’s lap. She is not the first dog I’ve had to break of this habit. I’ve seen every size dog in the driver’s lap, including large ones that block the driver’s entire vision.

    My confession. I grew up in a small town with not much for teenager’s to do except drag race. I still have a tendancy to want to put the petal to the metal and pass when I get behind one of the speed up-slow down-speed up-slow down drivers, or somebody driving like an idiot. When I began to ask the Lord to show me where I sin, my driving was definitely one of the sins He brought to this lady’s attention.

  42. Bob on August 22nd, 2009 6:43 am

    My “confession” is for two guys who can’t make it for themselves.
    Background: I am a former Navy carrier pilot. 10+ years ago I met a 95 yo impeccably dressed man in church wearing miniature set of “wings of gold.” I introduced myself and in the course of our conversation he told me a number of flying stories (available upon request) one of which I will recount here. FYI: Steve never flew a plane with wheels on it. Due to lack of evidence this story is based solely upon his (and perhaps the Navy’s) suspicion…
    The “heroes” of this story are two Navy pilots (unknown to me) who took off (from Pensacola Bay) and never returned. Steve told me they had talked about attempting to exchange seats while flying over the Gulf. Their plan was to each get out of their cockpit simultaneously on opposite wings and then inch their way to the other cockpit and get back in… Steve’s guess was that it didn’t work.
    P.S. They didn’t wear parachutes in sea planes in 1918.

  43. Bill G. on August 22nd, 2009 6:54 am

    Change your last one to DWF - Driving while farding (which means: to apply make up, cosmetics). This is humorous when spoken, because most people assume you are accusing women of passing gas in their car. It gets the attention of those who are listening, and increases the likelihood they will agree with you: farding in the car is dangerous.

  44. Paul on August 23rd, 2009 11:02 am

    A few years ago I bought a Used Prius. At the time it was almost impossible to get a new one. I had asked the salesperson to call me if any Prius, new or used became available. When that call came, I jumped on the opportunity and bought it, only to discover that it was the most basic Prius ever made. It had absolutely no extras, not even a wiper for the back window, which I thought came on every Prius. As a result, I have added a few things to the car, like a hand held GPS that can be mounted on the window by suction, an ipod devise that plugs into the cigarette lighter and broadcasts the music to your FM radio, but you have to adjust in order to not be on the frequency of a radio station, and a cell phone charger for the cell phone that I can put on speaker phone and not have to hold it while driving.
    All of this I say to come up with DWF, that is Driving while fiddling. I don’t mean playing the violin, rather, I am referring to messing around with one or more of the add on items while trying to drive. In a Prius it also includes checking your dashboard display to see if you are driving in electric, or your mileage, or any of the other functions that are unique to a Prius, and all of which make you drive with your head turned slightly. At least it is turned to the right so I might possibly see you if I happen to pass you when you are enjoying your morning jog. However, the DWF also can include touching the scan button on the radio, inserting a new CD in the CD player, getting gum out of one of the storage compartments, changing charger plug-ins from one of the hand held devices to another, adjusting the seat, checking the angle of the outside mirrors, taking the lid off of my water bottle, and many other items that take my eyes off the road. Recently, the most dangerous was reaching deep over the dash board to use the touch screen on my hand held GPS that is mounted way forward on the windshield. Doing so at seventy miles per hour on a California freeway is somewhat life endangering. Fortunately, God evidently had something else planned for my life, because he spared it and there was no accident, only angry and frightened drivers nearby.

  45. kari on August 23rd, 2009 3:58 pm

    this is one of the funniest blogs i’ve seen in a long time. you are definitely a man after my own heart! thank you for the gift of humor, del.
    may God bless you richly,
    kari

  46. Teresa on August 23rd, 2009 9:02 pm

    There are two things that my husband actually does that scare me while I’m in the car with him. One is eating with BOTH HANDS and driving with his knee! The other is using the map on his iPhone while he’s driving down the road. Half the time he even knows where he’s going but he just likes to see it on the map and it’s just as bad as texting. He is doing that looking down, looking up, looking down thing and not really watching the road.

  47. Kent on August 24th, 2009 2:31 pm

    I’ve done probably every stupid thing that can be done behind the wheel. The most dangerous probably being a combination of DW’s. For instance eating, drinking (soft drink etc.), talking on phone, taking notes, all at the same time. Don’t ask me how but it involves driving with your knee, holding your phone with your shoulder with food in your lap. Yes I have reformed.

  48. MarkS on August 29th, 2009 8:01 pm

    DwoF
    I Left Colorado Springs at Odark30 in route to an afternoon wedding in Nebraska. I was golden in my PJs (shorts/t-shirt) and suit hanging in back. Then I remembered the time change. I would arrive in Podunk NE at wedding time, without stopping to change. I kept saying “Lord you arranged for me to go now why are you letting me miss it?” while I donned my suit over the PJs. I missed the turn onto some highway, which added a 20-30 minute delay. I exited the vehicle in a church parking lot pantless, finished and walked into the church as the guests were leaving! Luckily my friend the bride didn’t see and was glad I made it.
    DwoF = Driving without Faith!

  49. Tom on August 31st, 2009 12:01 am

    DWIC - d.w. inserting contacts; I do this on the way to playing soccer. I do need lenses to drive, legally. Mostly I do this while waiting at a signal light. This is sometimes combined with the aforementioned dw changing clothes (into soccer uniform of course).

    -tps

  50. Maria on September 1st, 2009 11:22 am

    I have probably done all of the things on your list but the worst thing I ever saw stays withme to this day.
    We were driving on I-5 through Salem. The freeway was narrowed because they were doing some construction. I, as a passanger, look over at this 18 wheeler to see the driver with a book propped on the steering wheel READING! He kept looking up every few seconds to check the road but he was doing 60 mph.

    They have this thing called books on tape…..

  51. Don on September 5th, 2009 9:29 am

    How about DWR: Driving While Reclining?

    I sometimes see young men driving with their seat tilted back about 45 degrees so they can barely see over the dash. This is usually accompanied by the thumping of a sub-woofer at full volume.

  52. Scott on September 9th, 2009 5:58 pm

    DWRC

    Driving While Rubix Cubing

    On several occasions I’ve caught my brother wandering off in his own mind, and once pulling into the suicide lane when he wasn’t allowed to do so. To top them all, though, I once saw him playing with his Rubix Cube while going down the freeway.

  53. Laurel on September 15th, 2009 7:52 pm

    You can add one more to that. Driving while photographing:) Guilty.

  54. Helen on September 16th, 2009 9:59 am

    Driving While Snoring is bad enough if you ‘wake up’ with a whell on the shoulder. Problem is, I usually wake up in the oncoming lane. Luckily I drive quiet roads. But my husband doesn’t let me drive long distances alone anymore. Too many “oncoming lane” stories.

  55. Bob on September 19th, 2009 8:43 am

    Sorry for jumping into the DA(Driver’s Anonymous) blog, but I am a State Trooper and have unfortunately covered over 500 crashs in my short career so far. The reason I say crash and not accident, is that crash’s are avoidable and accidents are not. I see the driving habits described above on a daily basis. I pray that you take the humor here to heart and seriously think about making the change in your driving habits. Going to someone’s house and telling their loved one’s have died in a crash is one of the hardest things in my job. Again I am not trying to be a killjoy, and I know that God is in control, but He also gives us a freewill to make choices. Please don’t let me be the one to talk to your family on a professional basis. I will also take this oppurtunity to ask for your prayers while I work. I have had to jump into windows, onto hoods, and out of the way of vehicles whose driver’s have been impaired by the long list above. For some reason God has seen to it to keep me safe. Unfortantely some of my fellow officers have not. Thank you in advance for your focused driving behavior.

  56. David on September 21st, 2009 4:25 pm

    I once was sitting at an intersection waiting for the light to change while I was on a rather intense telephone conversation. When the call was finished I flipped the cover shut on the telephone and, without thinking, proceeded to accelerate through the intersection. Fortunately I happened to be the only car going through the intersection at the time but it was a very rude awakening as to the effect cell phones have on drivers minds or lack there of.

  57. Scott on September 29th, 2009 8:59 am

    As a truck driver, I would have to confess that I have been guilty of most of these, except #1. I have witness women primping on a daily basis and it is very scary to watch a lady driving at 65MPH, primping and steering with her knee and drinking her coffee.

    For me you could also add talking on the CB and adjusting with the radio.

    I have witnessed the strange, careless, and disgusting acts that some people do while driving there cars. But what can I say, today I will walk out to my truck with the cell phone in my pocket and my coffee mug in my hand, my lunch bucket will be beside me in the cab. I will do the same as I have done for over 25/years, Eat-Drink-talk on the CB and drive. I don’t always answer the cell phone I tend to let my voice mail handle that.

  58. Karen on October 3rd, 2009 2:48 pm

    I have a friend that writes his memory verses on his windshield, with an expo marker, so that he can work on them when he is driving. DWM Driving while memorizing!

  59. Carrie on October 15th, 2009 9:04 pm

    DWJN - Driving while jotting notes (from the radio, or just something that pops into my mind); reserved for emergency situations when I might otherwise never remember that quote/story idea/website address/book title. Often done while drinking coffee, eying the take-home box of pancakes, flipping radio stations, and/or changing my shoes. (I MIGHT even talk on a cellphone, but nobody ever calls.)

  60. kyle on January 10th, 2010 10:57 am

    I am glad too see that DWP (driving while praying) is not on your list of hazards.

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